Women are incredible beings. You can’t live with them, and you can’t
certainly live without them. Now comes the Kenyan women, Kenyan women
are unique, crazy, go getters, wife materials, ratchets, side chiqs,
gold diggers….bla bla bla. As a man, Knowing which group your girls
falls under is very import. You will be able to understand her thought
process, her lifestyle, her goals and life ambitions. Knowing this is
good for you as a man as you will be able to know how far and how much
you are willing to invest in her.
Without further ado, here are the 5 Categories of Kenyan women!
1. The Wife materials
For lack of a better word, let’s call this category of women, wife
material. These women are independent, very level headed, ambitious,
they know what they want in life, they refuse to take crap from men and
they’re rarely in the club partying and getting drunk daily. You don’t
have to worry about constantly getting her things, she’s got it already,
they’re sassy, confident and have life actual life goals unlike most of
our Kenyan ‘socialites’. Your mother will Love her once she meets her
and she’s also always there for you to motivate you, through the good
and the bad. Like i said, they don’t take crap from men, so once you
start acting dodgy, she can always say screw you and get a dildo. Let’s
move on.
2. The Trophy Girlfriends
These are the oh-so-gorgeous women you see walking around town or at
events and you stare at them thinking what did I do wrong? Why I’m I not
that pretty? The gods must have hate me. Their looks are almost a
perfect 10 but their personalities, bruh, 0. You can barely keep up an
intellectual conversation with them, they’re very self centered,
superficial they talk about themselves 24/7 and are probably dumb as
hell. Men usually go for this women because, honestly, the first thing
that attracts you to someone is their looks. So they end up going on
several dates with these girls and solemnly deny the fact that their
boring and dry just so they can date them. Apart from the fact that
they’re good for showing off to your friends, your ex will be super
jealous that your current is such an upgrade, you pass by touts and they
all tell you how ‘ulipata mzuri’ and can’t help but ogle over your
girlfriend, but then again such relationships never last. Ever.
3. The Side chiqs.
The side chiqs, a.k.a freaks are mostly good for one thing, and one thing only, sex. This girl is willing to try anything in bed and I mean anything.
She knows all the positions, sex so good you think you feel like you’re sleeping with a pornstar, she’ll do all the things your girl isn’t willing to do and you’ll never get bored coz most of the times, her personality is usually way better than your girls. Unless she’s a prostitute, feelings will eventually be caught. She’ll become clingy, she’ll ask you to leave your girlfriend then will start acting like your girlfriend even if you don’t leave your actual girlfriend. Once she realizes that you won’t leave your girlfriend, she sleeps with your friend and acts like she hasn’t done anything wrong. Eventually you’ll get tired and you’ll need a replacement, that’s just the cycle of life.
4. The Ratchet girls.
This category of girls, sadly, consists of most girls in Kenya. Ladies, if the following description defines you then I’m sorry, but you’re ratchet. These girls are the type you’ll find in Bacchus, Skyluxx, Changez, Barkers, all the clubs really, day in day out. They never miss any events, and by never, I mean never. You’ll find them scantily dressed, smoking sheesha by the bar, like they’ve never smoked it before, if not they’re in the middle of the club drunk silly and dancing with complete strangers. These girls are also not afraid to explore their sexuality, they bang whoever they wanna bang, kiss whoever they wanna kiss-boys or girls- and they’ve had countless number of one night stands. Such girls are also never afraid to approach men, yes men, such girls exist, they’ll call you at 2 a.m in the morning to ask you if they can come over, they’ll DM you and tell you how sexy you look in your Avi or such hoping that you’ll ask to take the conversation off Twitter. Ironically, they’re mostly the ones who tweet the ‘misused and abused’ tweets I was telling y’all about. I know. The irony!
5.The Gold Diggers
First of all, I’m in campus and I hate the stereotype that all girls in campus are gold diggers, but truth be told, most of them do actually fall in this category. These girls don’t necessarily have sugar daddies who fund them, they find working class men of appropriate ages and drain their pockets empty. Most of them don’t have class but make themselves seem like they do, so when you approach them you wouldn’t even know that they just want you for your money. Once you stop taking her on the expensive dates and shopping trips, stop buying her the expensive gifts or once you become broke, she’ll be gone and be sure, she’ll take everything you have left. Now now, I’m not saying that women who like being treated well are gold diggers, no, all women deserve to be treated well after all. But if you’re the only one who gives and you’re not receiving anything at all in return then I’m sorry my friend, you have a gold digger on your hands, but on the plus side, at least you have someone to manage your money
