Women who step out on a husband or significant other -- male or
female -- do so for any number of reasons, the five most common of which
are listed below:
- She feels underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. A
woman who feels more like a housekeeper, financial provider, or nanny
than a wife or girlfriend is more vulnerable to finding an external
situation that brings attention and appreciation for who she is rather
than the functions she performs.
- She craves intimacy. More so than men, women feel
valued and connected to their relationship partner through non-sexual
emotional interaction such as touching, kissing, cuddling, gift-giving,
being remembered, and most of all meaningful communication. Women who
aren't getting their intimacy needs met by a primary partner may look
elsewhere, trying to meet those needs through sexual/romantic
relationships. Some of these same women may also engage in alcohol/drug
abuse, compulsive spending, binge or consistent overeating, etc., to
compensate for the emptiness they feel.
- She is bored and/or lonely. Women who find
themselves alone at home for long periods of time, perhaps when caring
for young children or even after children are grown and gone, can feel
that their lives lack meaning, and they may use casual sex or deeper
romantic affairs to fill the void. Women who have spouses or partners
who are absent for long periods of time related to work (military
service, for example) may also turn to sex and affairs to fill what
feels like an untenable emptiness.
- She never feels fully loved and appreciated. Some
women have unrealistic expectations about what a long-term spouse or
partner should offer them emotionally and in other ways. Those who are
more narcissistic and emotionally immature may expect a significant
other to meet their every single need, and also to be a mind-reader in
terms of knowing what those needs are. When their human and imperfect
partner inevitably fails them, they feel justified in seeking attention
elsewhere.
- She has an intimacy disorder. Early
childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse often lead women (and men) in adult
life to problems with addictive sex and/or serial cheating. Such women
repeatedly seek emotional intensity rather than relational intimacy.
Women with unresolved childhood trauma as well as those with emotional
instability -- women who carry an uneven and disjointed sense of self --
can seek consistency and feelings of importance through intensity-based
romantic and/or sexual activity.
