You’ve suspected for days, maybe
weeks. Something is wrong or off
between you and your spouse, and
you’re beginning to wonder if maybe
they might be…. NO! That’s not
possible. Other people have affairs,
not you two; what you have is
special. Then again there was that
thing last week, and when you
brought it up, your spouse twisted it
around as if YOU were the one with
the jealousy issue! “You’re just being
paranoid–you’re crazy for thinking
like that!” they said. Still there’s
that nagging doubt in your mind.
Here are some of the signs of a
spouse that may be cheating.
These
behaviors are only indicators of a
cheating spouse and are not
absolutes! If your spouse has one or
two of these behaviors, and there is
a legitimate reason and a mutual
agreement (such as you two talk
about it and agree to try to lose
weight…and they’ve gone a little
obsessive about it), these signs do
NOT prove infidelity. But when you
observe several, or maybe MOST, of
these behaviors, your marriage may
be in trouble! Again, let me reiterate
that these behaviors are only
indicators of an affair.
The Classic Clue:
When you see lipstick on your
husband’s shirt or strange hairs on
their clothing or in the car.
Sign 1–Gut Instinct:The telltale sign of a cheating
spouse? Having to ask that
question in the first place.
Your cheating husband or wife
stops confiding in you and
seeking advice from you.
Your intuition (gut feeling) tells
you that something is not right.
You find intimate apparel or
other small gift-type items that
are gifts for someone else and
have not been given to you.
Sign 2–Behavior That Is Not Their
Usual Character:
When your partner shows up
without their wedding ring or
suddenly stops wearing it and
makes lame excuses as to why.
This also goes for jewelry you
might have purchased for them
and you catch them not wearing
it when they go out when usually
they wear it at all time.
When they break their
established routine at work and
home for no apparent or logical
reason; erratic behavior.
When your mate becomes
suddenly forgetful and you have
to tell him/her everything several
times; their thoughts are
obviously elsewhere.
When they appears distant, show
a lack of interest, or develop an
unexplained aloofness that
wasn’t there before.
When their behavior just doesn’t
add up.
When your wife sleeps with her
purse by the bed, or your
husband sneaks out of the
house.
When your spouse suddenly
starts completely ignoring you
and not listening to what you are
saying -OR- when they suddenly
begin to treat you extremely
nicely…more so than usual.
When they encourage you to have
a social life and go places out of
town, and it seems like they’re
trying to get you “out of the
house.”
When your husband or wife
begins to intentionally look at or
flirt with the opposite sex when
in the past, this is something
they would not have done.
Sign 3–Birth Control:
When you find birth-control pills
in the medicine cabinet, and
you’ve had a vasectomy -OR-
When you find condoms in the
car or in his pockets, and you are
on the pill.
Sign 4–Showering/Cologne:
When he or she leaves the house
in the morning smelling like
their usual fragrance and returns
in the evening smelling like
something else.
When they arrive home and head
straight into the shower or bath,
and they work an office job.
When your spouse’s clothes smell
of an unfamiliar perfume or after-
shave used by the opposite sex
When he or she has worn the
same fragrance for years, and
suddenly they are wearing
something new and wearing
MUCH more than usual.
Sign 5–Uncomfortable Around You:
When your mutual friends start
acting strangely toward you,
because they either know about
the cheating or have been told
stories about what a horrible
spouse you are.
When your spouse’s co-workers
are uncomfortable in your
presence, because either they
know about the afair or have
heard horror stories to justify it.
When your spouse seems less
comfortable around you and is
“touchy” and easily moved to
anger.
When your spouse avoids social
events with you, as if they want
to cover up that they are with
you.
Sign 6–Electronic Clues:
Email clues~
When your spouse sets up a new
e-mail account and doesn’t tell
you about it.
When your spouse spends all
their time on the email, checking
their email, or fooling with email
somehow.
When your husband or wife
suddenly deletes all emails from
the email account (and it’s not
just a clean up) and in the past
they used to let them
accumulate.
When they delete an email the
minute it comes in, and then
delete the trash to make sure
you don’t see it.
Cell phone clues~
When s/he buys a cell phone and
doesn’t let you know about it.
When your husband or wife
suddenly deletes all messages
from the voicemail where as they
used to accumulate.
When they suddenly delete all
caller IDs from the phone so you
can’t see them.
When s/he sets up a separate
cell phone account that is billed
to the office.
When you aren’t allowed to ever
look at or use their cell phone,
and they go to great lenghts to
make certain their cell is not
answered by you.
When your spouse is secretive
about their cell phone and it is
on their person 24/7, and they
are on it talking or texting that
whole time.
When they receive bizarre text
messages from friends you never
realised knew–in other words
having ‘pretend’ names in their
phone that are really the OP.
Computer signs~
When they stay up to “work” or
“play a game” on the computer
after you go to bed. Excessive
internet usage, especially late at
night, is a red flag.
When your spouse will not allow
you access to their computer or
they suddenly shut down the
computer when you walk into the
room.
When they may password protect
their laptop or computer to keep
out suspicious eyes.
When she or he warily guards
access to their chatrooms, chat
logs, games, Facebook page, or
other social media.
When your spouse has unusual
sites showing in the “browser
history” (such as
“adultfriendfinder” or
“ashleymadison”), or erases their
history after each late-night
session.
Sign 7–Things Are Just Different at
Home:
When your spouse raises
hypothetical questions such as,
“Do you think it’s possible to
love more than one person at a
time?”
When they have a sudden desire
to be helpful with the laundry
(and they never have before) and
it’s like they’re trying to find or
hide something.
When he/she shows a sudden
interest in a different type of
music that they really disliked
before.
When your spouse loses attention
in the activities in the home and
seems forgetful, distracted or like
they don’t care.
When he/she has a definite
change in attitude towards
everyone in the home…including
the children.
When you notice that your
partner loses their ability and
desire to show the children the
attention they need or a lack of
desire to do any fix-ups around
the house, e.g., lawn care,
painting, cleaning the garage,
house repairs, etc. They might
turn this around on you at the
same time and accuse you of
never doing anything or treating
the child/children badly.
When they are always tired or
demonstrate a noticeable lack of
energy or interest in the
relationship.
When they sleep on the sofa
some of the night.
When you two don’t go to bed
together, and they tell you not to
wait up when you have always
done so.
When your spouse suddenly asks
about your schedule more often
than usual–wanting to know
where you’ll be and when.
When they talk to you they treat
you abusively or with disdain,
disrespect or excessive sarcasm.
Or. . . they may begin to find
fault in everything you do in an
attempt to justify their affair.
When your spouse is exceedingly
critical and sometimes mocking
you.
When your spouse becomes
“accusatory,” asking if you are
being true to him/her, usually
out of guilt.
When they begin to speak more
and more harshly to you, or are
more sarcastic. Sometimes this is
just an attempt to justify their
cheating…or to give them an
excuse to storm out of the room/
house.
When you notice that they are
reluctant to kiss you or accept
your affection and/or they
criticize you for showing
attention.
When your spouse ignores or
criticizes your loving behavior
and thoughtful ways. Example :
“Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m
just not like that.”
Sign 8–Lots and Lots of Changes:
When s/he joins the gym and
begins a rigorous workout
program and “hated” exercise
before.
When your spouse buys new, sexy
underwear and you never see it.
When they have a sudden
preoccupation with their
appearance.
Her: When she gets spiffed up
and dresses provocatively to “go
grocery shopping” or to “get her
hair done.” She may also show
up with a sudden change of hair
style. Him: When he showers,
shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.)
and dresses up more than usual
to “go out with his buddies” or to
“go fishing.”
When your spouse begin to make
sudden and excessive purchases
of clothes or an unexplained
change in clothing style (for
example, from business
professional to steampunk).
When they show a sudden
interest in a different type of
music that they always hated
before.
Sign 9–Telephone Mannerisms That
Are Different:
When your spouse receives
“mysterious” phone calls that
don’t seem to make sense–and
when you ask who called, they
say, “No one”, “Wrong number”,
or “Why do you care?”
When YOU get an increasing
number of hang-ups or “wrong
numbers” when you pick up the
phone especially if the caller
hangs up after hearing your voice
and doesn’t speak. Generally
when a person dials a “wrong”
number, they will at least ask, “Is
Fred there?” before hanging up.
When your phone bills show
unexplained toll or long distance
charges. Often you’ll find one
phone number listed excessively.
When s/he Hurriedly picks up the
phone to answer it before you
do.
When they leave the room to talk
on the phone.
When your spouse Whispers
while on the phone.
When s/he deletes the
information (name and phone
number) from “caller ID”.
When they behave differently or
end the telephone call abruptly
when you enter the room…or
appear to hang up quickly.
When your spouse tells you to
get ahold of him or her at a
different telephone number (they
don’t want you calling while
they’re with the OP).
Sign 10–Automobile Related Signs
That Something is Up:
When the passenger’s seat is
adjusted differently than you had
left it.
When your spouse takes the
child seat and/or kid’s toys out of
the car for no particular reason.
When you find suspicious items
in the car like phone numbers,
receipts, lipstick, condoms or
strange hairs in the vehicle.
When they begin to keep a
change of clothes hidden in the
trunk of the car or an unusual
amount of clothes changes at the
gym.
When the car has unexplainable
mileage or a lack of additional
mileage. For example, if your
husband states that he went out
of town yet the odometer
indicates that only a distance of
25 miles had been driven.
Conversely, if he says that he’s
only been to the office that day,
yet their odometer shows many
more miles had been driven, this
too, may be a significant matter.
When s/he “goes to the store for
groceries” or “goes to get some
gas” or “goes to the bank” (a task
that should take just a few
minutes) and comes home 5
hours later.
When you notice increased gas
purchases that are inconsistent
with the amount of miles on the
car.
Sign 11–Paper Trails of a Cheating
Spouse:
When you find credit card
receipts for gifts you didn’t
receive -OR- your credit card bills
itemizes gifts you didn’t receive
(such as florist or jewelry).
When you find the credit card
receipts showing purchases from
places unknown to you or that
seem suspect -OR- when your
credit card bill itemizes odd
places.
When you see an increase in ATM
withdrawals on your bank
statement, especially those from
out-of-town.
When you find ATM receipts
bearing a time/date stamp from
a city you don’t recognize.
[Cheating costs money! To play
you must pay.]
When they begin to volunteer to
go to the post office, rushes to
check the mail before you do or
opens up a new P.O. box
perhaps without even telling you.
When unusual phone numbers
appear on the phone bill.
When the duration and time of
the calls on the phone bill
appear excessive.
When they are secretive about
their cell phone bill or they start
to pay it themselves.
When you notice business travel
or other deductions on their
expense account for travel or
other expenses of which you were
not aware.
Sign 12–Sex Tip-offs That
Something’s Wrong:
When s/he is no longer
interested in sex, or s/he makes
excuses for its infrequency.
When your spouse starts to
request kinky or other erotic
sexual activity (behavior) that
you’ve never done before,
including watching porn.
When they show a “new talent”
in the bedroom (that they might
have learned from the individual
with whom they’ve been
cheating).
When s/he appears reluctant to
kiss you, or show affection toward
you.
When your spouse continues
giving poor excuses for why
they’re not in the mood to make
love.
When they have unexplained
scratches or bruises on his or her
neck or back.
When s/he suddenly wants more
sex, more often.
Sign 13–Work-related Signs That
They May Be Cheating:
When s/he works longer hours,
more frequently
When they supposedly work a lot
of overtime, but it never shows
up on the pay stub.
When they change their
established routine with no
apparent reason.
When s/he begins discouraging
you from calling him or her at
work.
When your spouse is often
“unavailable” when you try to
call him or her at work.
When they returns calls long
after you leave a message for him
or her.
When s/he prefers to attend work
functions (or any events) alone
and tries to discourage you from
attending.
When your spouse takes more
trips for business reasons and
even refuses to let you drive him
or her to the airport.
When you find out by accident
he or she took vacation day or
personal time off from work – but
supposedly worked on those
days.
Your spouse is away from home,
either nights or on trips, more
than previously.
When the amount of money being
deposited into your checking
account drops off.
When they are late home from
work and always have an excuse
ready.
When s/he claims to be stressed
with work problems when
questioned about their odd
behaviour.
between you and your spouse, and
you’re beginning to wonder if maybe
they might be…. NO! That’s not
possible. Other people have affairs,
not you two; what you have is
special. Then again there was that
thing last week, and when you
brought it up, your spouse twisted it
around as if YOU were the one with
the jealousy issue! “You’re just being
paranoid–you’re crazy for thinking
like that!” they said. Still there’s
that nagging doubt in your mind.
Here are some of the signs of a
spouse that may be cheating.
Thesebehaviors are only indicators of a
cheating spouse and are not
absolutes! If your spouse has one or
two of these behaviors, and there is
a legitimate reason and a mutual
agreement (such as you two talk
about it and agree to try to lose
weight…and they’ve gone a little
obsessive about it), these signs do
NOT prove infidelity. But when you
observe several, or maybe MOST, of
these behaviors, your marriage may
be in trouble! Again, let me reiterate
that these behaviors are only
indicators of an affair.
The Classic Clue:
When you see lipstick on your
husband’s shirt or strange hairs on
their clothing or in the car.
Sign 1–Gut Instinct:The telltale sign of a cheating
spouse? Having to ask that
question in the first place.
Your cheating husband or wife
stops confiding in you and
seeking advice from you.
Your intuition (gut feeling) tells
you that something is not right.
You find intimate apparel or
other small gift-type items that
are gifts for someone else and
have not been given to you.
Sign 2–Behavior That Is Not Their
Usual Character:
When your partner shows up
without their wedding ring or
suddenly stops wearing it and
makes lame excuses as to why.
This also goes for jewelry you
might have purchased for them
and you catch them not wearing
it when they go out when usually
they wear it at all time.
When they break their
established routine at work and
home for no apparent or logical
reason; erratic behavior.
When your mate becomes
suddenly forgetful and you have
to tell him/her everything several
times; their thoughts are
obviously elsewhere.
When they appears distant, show
a lack of interest, or develop an
unexplained aloofness that
wasn’t there before.
When their behavior just doesn’t
add up.
When your wife sleeps with her
purse by the bed, or your
husband sneaks out of the
house.
When your spouse suddenly
starts completely ignoring you
and not listening to what you are
saying -OR- when they suddenly
begin to treat you extremely
nicely…more so than usual.
When they encourage you to have
a social life and go places out of
town, and it seems like they’re
trying to get you “out of the
house.”
When your husband or wife
begins to intentionally look at or
flirt with the opposite sex when
in the past, this is something
they would not have done.
Sign 3–Birth Control:
When you find birth-control pills
in the medicine cabinet, and
you’ve had a vasectomy -OR-
When you find condoms in the
car or in his pockets, and you are
on the pill.
Sign 4–Showering/Cologne:
When he or she leaves the house
in the morning smelling like
their usual fragrance and returns
in the evening smelling like
something else.
When they arrive home and head
straight into the shower or bath,
and they work an office job.
When your spouse’s clothes smell
of an unfamiliar perfume or after-
shave used by the opposite sex
When he or she has worn the
same fragrance for years, and
suddenly they are wearing
something new and wearing
MUCH more than usual.
Sign 5–Uncomfortable Around You:
When your mutual friends start
acting strangely toward you,
because they either know about
the cheating or have been told
stories about what a horrible
spouse you are.
When your spouse’s co-workers
are uncomfortable in your
presence, because either they
know about the afair or have
heard horror stories to justify it.
When your spouse seems less
comfortable around you and is
“touchy” and easily moved to
anger.
When your spouse avoids social
events with you, as if they want
to cover up that they are with
you.
Sign 6–Electronic Clues:
Email clues~
When your spouse sets up a new
e-mail account and doesn’t tell
you about it.
When your spouse spends all
their time on the email, checking
their email, or fooling with email
somehow.
When your husband or wife
suddenly deletes all emails from
the email account (and it’s not
just a clean up) and in the past
they used to let them
accumulate.
When they delete an email the
minute it comes in, and then
delete the trash to make sure
you don’t see it.
Cell phone clues~
When s/he buys a cell phone and
doesn’t let you know about it.
When your husband or wife
suddenly deletes all messages
from the voicemail where as they
used to accumulate.
When they suddenly delete all
caller IDs from the phone so you
can’t see them.
When s/he sets up a separate
cell phone account that is billed
to the office.
When you aren’t allowed to ever
look at or use their cell phone,
and they go to great lenghts to
make certain their cell is not
answered by you.
When your spouse is secretive
about their cell phone and it is
on their person 24/7, and they
are on it talking or texting that
whole time.
When they receive bizarre text
messages from friends you never
realised knew–in other words
having ‘pretend’ names in their
phone that are really the OP.
Computer signs~
When they stay up to “work” or
“play a game” on the computer
after you go to bed. Excessive
internet usage, especially late at
night, is a red flag.
When your spouse will not allow
you access to their computer or
they suddenly shut down the
computer when you walk into the
room.
When they may password protect
their laptop or computer to keep
out suspicious eyes.
When she or he warily guards
access to their chatrooms, chat
logs, games, Facebook page, or
other social media.
When your spouse has unusual
sites showing in the “browser
history” (such as
“adultfriendfinder” or
“ashleymadison”), or erases their
history after each late-night
session.
Sign 7–Things Are Just Different at
Home:
When your spouse raises
hypothetical questions such as,
“Do you think it’s possible to
love more than one person at a
time?”
When they have a sudden desire
to be helpful with the laundry
(and they never have before) and
it’s like they’re trying to find or
hide something.
When he/she shows a sudden
interest in a different type of
music that they really disliked
before.
When your spouse loses attention
in the activities in the home and
seems forgetful, distracted or like
they don’t care.
When he/she has a definite
change in attitude towards
everyone in the home…including
the children.
When you notice that your
partner loses their ability and
desire to show the children the
attention they need or a lack of
desire to do any fix-ups around
the house, e.g., lawn care,
painting, cleaning the garage,
house repairs, etc. They might
turn this around on you at the
same time and accuse you of
never doing anything or treating
the child/children badly.
When they are always tired or
demonstrate a noticeable lack of
energy or interest in the
relationship.
When they sleep on the sofa
some of the night.
When you two don’t go to bed
together, and they tell you not to
wait up when you have always
done so.
When your spouse suddenly asks
about your schedule more often
than usual–wanting to know
where you’ll be and when.
When they talk to you they treat
you abusively or with disdain,
disrespect or excessive sarcasm.
Or. . . they may begin to find
fault in everything you do in an
attempt to justify their affair.
When your spouse is exceedingly
critical and sometimes mocking
you.
When your spouse becomes
“accusatory,” asking if you are
being true to him/her, usually
out of guilt.
When they begin to speak more
and more harshly to you, or are
more sarcastic. Sometimes this is
just an attempt to justify their
cheating…or to give them an
excuse to storm out of the room/
house.
When you notice that they are
reluctant to kiss you or accept
your affection and/or they
criticize you for showing
attention.
When your spouse ignores or
criticizes your loving behavior
and thoughtful ways. Example :
“Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m
just not like that.”
Sign 8–Lots and Lots of Changes:
When s/he joins the gym and
begins a rigorous workout
program and “hated” exercise
before.
When your spouse buys new, sexy
underwear and you never see it.
When they have a sudden
preoccupation with their
appearance.
Her: When she gets spiffed up
and dresses provocatively to “go
grocery shopping” or to “get her
hair done.” She may also show
up with a sudden change of hair
style. Him: When he showers,
shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.)
and dresses up more than usual
to “go out with his buddies” or to
“go fishing.”
When your spouse begin to make
sudden and excessive purchases
of clothes or an unexplained
change in clothing style (for
example, from business
professional to steampunk).
When they show a sudden
interest in a different type of
music that they always hated
before.
Sign 9–Telephone Mannerisms That
Are Different:
When your spouse receives
“mysterious” phone calls that
don’t seem to make sense–and
when you ask who called, they
say, “No one”, “Wrong number”,
or “Why do you care?”
When YOU get an increasing
number of hang-ups or “wrong
numbers” when you pick up the
phone especially if the caller
hangs up after hearing your voice
and doesn’t speak. Generally
when a person dials a “wrong”
number, they will at least ask, “Is
Fred there?” before hanging up.
When your phone bills show
unexplained toll or long distance
charges. Often you’ll find one
phone number listed excessively.
When s/he Hurriedly picks up the
phone to answer it before you
do.
When they leave the room to talk
on the phone.
When your spouse Whispers
while on the phone.
When s/he deletes the
information (name and phone
number) from “caller ID”.
When they behave differently or
end the telephone call abruptly
when you enter the room…or
appear to hang up quickly.
When your spouse tells you to
get ahold of him or her at a
different telephone number (they
don’t want you calling while
they’re with the OP).
Sign 10–Automobile Related Signs
That Something is Up:
When the passenger’s seat is
adjusted differently than you had
left it.
When your spouse takes the
child seat and/or kid’s toys out of
the car for no particular reason.
When you find suspicious items
in the car like phone numbers,
receipts, lipstick, condoms or
strange hairs in the vehicle.
When they begin to keep a
change of clothes hidden in the
trunk of the car or an unusual
amount of clothes changes at the
gym.
When the car has unexplainable
mileage or a lack of additional
mileage. For example, if your
husband states that he went out
of town yet the odometer
indicates that only a distance of
25 miles had been driven.
Conversely, if he says that he’s
only been to the office that day,
yet their odometer shows many
more miles had been driven, this
too, may be a significant matter.
When s/he “goes to the store for
groceries” or “goes to get some
gas” or “goes to the bank” (a task
that should take just a few
minutes) and comes home 5
hours later.
When you notice increased gas
purchases that are inconsistent
with the amount of miles on the
car.
Sign 11–Paper Trails of a Cheating
Spouse:
When you find credit card
receipts for gifts you didn’t
receive -OR- your credit card bills
itemizes gifts you didn’t receive
(such as florist or jewelry).
When you find the credit card
receipts showing purchases from
places unknown to you or that
seem suspect -OR- when your
credit card bill itemizes odd
places.
When you see an increase in ATM
withdrawals on your bank
statement, especially those from
out-of-town.
When you find ATM receipts
bearing a time/date stamp from
a city you don’t recognize.
[Cheating costs money! To play
you must pay.]
When they begin to volunteer to
go to the post office, rushes to
check the mail before you do or
opens up a new P.O. box
perhaps without even telling you.
When unusual phone numbers
appear on the phone bill.
When the duration and time of
the calls on the phone bill
appear excessive.
When they are secretive about
their cell phone bill or they start
to pay it themselves.
When you notice business travel
or other deductions on their
expense account for travel or
other expenses of which you were
not aware.
Sign 12–Sex Tip-offs That
Something’s Wrong:
When s/he is no longer
interested in sex, or s/he makes
excuses for its infrequency.
When your spouse starts to
request kinky or other erotic
sexual activity (behavior) that
you’ve never done before,
including watching porn.
When they show a “new talent”
in the bedroom (that they might
have learned from the individual
with whom they’ve been
cheating).
When s/he appears reluctant to
kiss you, or show affection toward
you.
When your spouse continues
giving poor excuses for why
they’re not in the mood to make
love.
When they have unexplained
scratches or bruises on his or her
neck or back.
When s/he suddenly wants more
sex, more often.
Sign 13–Work-related Signs That
They May Be Cheating:
When s/he works longer hours,
more frequently
When they supposedly work a lot
of overtime, but it never shows
up on the pay stub.
When they change their
established routine with no
apparent reason.
When s/he begins discouraging
you from calling him or her at
work.
When your spouse is often
“unavailable” when you try to
call him or her at work.
When they returns calls long
after you leave a message for him
or her.
When s/he prefers to attend work
functions (or any events) alone
and tries to discourage you from
attending.
When your spouse takes more
trips for business reasons and
even refuses to let you drive him
or her to the airport.
When you find out by accident
he or she took vacation day or
personal time off from work – but
supposedly worked on those
days.
Your spouse is away from home,
either nights or on trips, more
than previously.
When the amount of money being
deposited into your checking
account drops off.
When they are late home from
work and always have an excuse
ready.
When s/he claims to be stressed
with work problems when
questioned about their odd
behaviour.
